Tuesday, February 26, 2013
LET'S STICK TO REALITY: TAGLE VIS-A-VIS VATICAN POLITICS
LET'S STICK TO REALITY: TAGLE
VIS-A-ViS VATICAN POLITICS
"Come now, let's kill him." GENESIS 37:20
BY ALEX P. VIDAL
Who would not want a Filipino pope?
There is no doubt that Luis Cardinal Tagle, 55, is qualified to become the next pope. He is intelligent and speaks different languages; Cardinal Tagle is educated in a wide variety of fields and has the charisma and moral turpitude that is like Caesar's wife--beyond doubt. He is a dark horse, asserted his drum beaters.
But let's be realistic. The politics that have crept the Vatican for centuries showed that no cardinal from the third world has occupied the Roman Catholic hierarchy's most influential and powerful post. For a cardinal from a third world country to be chosen as successor of Pope Benedict XVI is like wishing for the Halley's comet.
EXCITED
It's alright for all Filipinos to be excited about the global news of Cardinal Tagle's possible ascension to Vatican's top religious portfolio. In times of economic despair and political instability in the country that prides itself as the only Catholic country in Asia, we need this kind of positive report to boost our morale and satisfy our ego as a nation.
However, we must not over exaggerate Cardinal Tagle's chances. We must stick to reality and refrain from stretching our freedom to exaggerate. To know when to reverse the telescope is like painting a great picture.
Even before Pope Benedict announced he was quitting, the names of Cardinal Peter Kodwo Appiah Turkson of Ghana, Cardinal Marc Ouellet of Canada, and Cardinal Francis Arinze of Nigeria were already being dangled.
COUNCIL
Born in 1948 and is currently the president of the Pontifical Council for Justice and Peace, Turkson was elevated to the cardinalate by Pope John Paul II in 2003 and was appointed president of the Ponitifical Council for Justice and Peace in 2009 by Pope Benedict XVI.
Quebec's Marc Ouellet was born in 1944 and is the present prefect of the Congregation for Bishops and concurrently president of the Pontifical Commission for Latin America since his appointment by Pope Benedict XVI on 30 June 2010. He was elevated to the cardinalate, by Pope John Paul II, on 21 October 2003.
Born in 1932 in Nigeria, Francis Arinze is the current Cardinal Bishop of Velletri-Segni, succeeding Joseph Ratzinger, who became Pope Benedict XVI. Arinze was one of the principal advisors to Pope John Paul II.
CHANCES
Of course we will not underestimate the chances of Cardinal Tagle. The US-based Catholic News Service (CNS) recently endorsed the Filipino cardinal in a newly posted glowing profile.
"His youthful energy, his pastoral experience, his theological training and his communications skills impressed cardinals and bishops from around the world even before Pope Benedict XVI inducted him into the College of Cardinals last November," trumpeted the CNS. Alex P. Vidal
Iloilo's 'wonder' is it's the Athens of the Philippines
Iloilo's 'wonder' is it's the
Athens of the Philippines
Athens of the Philippines
By Alex P. Vidal
As an online user, I will vote for Iloilo City into the New7Wonders of Cities of the world not because of its impressive tourist spots, delicious seafoods and archaic infrastructures. Iloilo City deserves to be catapulted in the pedestal of great cities in the world because of its priceless tag and towering reputation as "the Athens of the Philippines."
Athens was where the most famous ancient Greek philosophers, Socrates, Plato and Aristotle lived. It was the center of ancient education, of knowledge and wisdom even during the time of Pericles, Greece's famous orator and influential leader during the Golden Age.
Even before the New7Wonder of Cities of the world was coined, Iloilo City already holds the distinction as the premier educational mecca in the Philippines if not in Southeast Asia with seven highly regarded universities -- University of the Philippines-Visayas, Central Philippine University, University of San Agustin, West Visayas State University, St. Paul University, John B. Lacson Foundation Maritime University and University of Iloilo--and 28 colleges.
PRODUCE
These learning institutions have produced some of the country's greatest statesmen and pillars of public service; economic, cultural, music and sports jewels. Foreign students also flock to Iloilo City to learn in English, chemistry, accounting, science, agriculture, engineering, among other areas of education.
Aside from its rich historical sites, the city's also the most efficient banking system and booming investment climate. Iloilo City is perhaps the only metropolitan in the country with commercial banks standing in every corner in downtown area. It is the only city in the country surrounded by a clean river and a sea that connects to the Pacific Ocean. It has one of the best wharf and commercial ports in Asia tailor-made for ideal economic activity.
In my opinion, for the city to be known and honored as the best learning destination in this part of the world is better than to be praised for its physical beauty and potential as tourism and economic hubs.
WEBSITE
Meanwhile, a city hall press release recently quoted Bernard Weber, founder and president of New 7 Wonders on its website www.n7w.com, as saying that the new campaign "will become a catalyst for discussing everything from urban planning to metropolitan governance, from tourism to architecture amid mass urbanization worldwide."
It added: "Ilonggo netizens, friends, fans and followers can know more about Iloilo City on its official website www.iloilocity.gov.ph, Facebook pages Iloilo City Government and Iloilo City for New7Wonders Cities, mayor's official fan page, and Twitter account iloilocitygov."
"The shortlist of 28 official finalist candidates will be known Sept. 7 – Sept. 21. The finalist phases of Top 21, then Top 14 and down to final Top 7 are set Sept. 21– July 7, 2014.
"The official New7Wonders Cities voted by hundreds of millions of people from around the world will be announced July 7, 2014.
"The New7Wonders Cities is the third campaign organized by N7W, following the man-made new wonders of the world and the new wonders of nature where the Puerto Princesa Underground River (PPUR) won."
Friday, February 22, 2013
FREEDOM FROM DEATH
"Being prepared to die is one of the great secrets of living." GEORGE LINCOLN ROCKWELL
BY ALEX P. VIDAL
While waiting for my Amtrak train ride to Los Angeles, California early in the morning sometime in November 2011, I read a very interesting biography about a little-known financial advisor based in the City of Irvine where the train terminal was located.
Ross Anderson was a financial professional at Signature Resources Capital Management, LLC, a $93M dollar RIA based in Irvine, CA. Ross was also registered with Signator Investors, Inc., a broker-dealer with over 1,500 registered representatives nationwide.
When Anderson, 78, died on October 6, 2011, his obituary was simple: "Ross graduated from Ellendale High School and served in the U.S. Navy from 1951-55. He was employed by the Northern Pacific Railroad; later Burlington Northern until his retirement at age 55. He was an avid fisherman and deer hunter, and loved tinkering in his garage and gardening."
This "avid fisherman" and "deer hunter" turned out to be one of the greatest authors in recent memory. In one of his books, Personal Freedom, he emphasized that "the greatest happiness and fulfillment in life can come through your personal independence and freedom."
MARCH
Each of us is marching inexorably toward death. We were born, we are living and we must die, Anderson suggested.
We may feel uncomfortable talking about our demise, or passing, but it will occur nevertheless.
Here's what he wrote about Freedom from death: "It has never ceased to amaze me how people take life so seriously. You can see situations many times each day where there is anxiety or conflict and its origin is often in placing so much importance on the moment.
"To get some perspective on how important our moments are you can walk down into the Grand Canyon, and you can see the strata which have formed over millions of years. I've done that a few times and also viewed exposed strata in many other places just as I'm sure you have.
"It is impossible to see this and not realize that time, an invention of humans, has no relation to the enormous passage of existence represented in the layers and layers of life we can see in a geologic strata. And those millions of years have no meaning at all in relation to the universe where there is no passage of time at all. Even billions of our years are nothing to the universe.
ENGROSSED
"If that's the case how can we possibly become engrossed in any passing situation in life to the degree it harms us? How can we alter our happiness because of a disappointment when we can see that, in the all-and-all of things the disappointment means nothing at all.
"Think of all the arguments, the wars, the battles, the business deals, the trauma, the conflict and the unhappiness which has transpired over the countless years we see represented in our old world, and no one cares.
"It is obvious that we have learned nothing from the wars. The arguments between individuals or nations mean nothing to us now. The individual problems of all people have no significance, but it is certain that they all took these events seriously at the time.
"And, we;re taking them seriously now. We are not here for long, and the simple fact is that life is too short for unhappiness. It is too short for constant worry about finances. Conflicts between friends, mates, neighbors or anyone else are simply such an ignorant waste of time that they can't be considered.
"Life is long enough for living, for loving, for helping, for building, for travel and for happiness but it isn't long enough to be taken so seriously, moment-by-moment, leading us to unhappiness.
SERIOUSLY
"A philosopher once said, 'If you're thinking of killing yourself, you're taking life seriously. Life is just long enough for one good laugh.' That's the truth, too.
"If life is so temporary how can we possibly be bogged down in problems and troubles which mean nothing to anyone else and will mean nothing to us when we are gone? What's the point of it? But we can see that nearly everyone takes every situation, every day, as if that moment was going to last forever. We can see people build enormous wealth as if they are building a business or estate which will last long as the planets.
"I believe in building a business and I believe in making money. I don't however take it so seriously, that I ever think it is the most important thing in life nor do I dream of it having any lasting effect on the world. Something as great as the United States, as a country, will be gone and fade away and, a thousand or a million years from now, won't even be remembered. If that's the case then there is no doubt about how significant our problems are.
"When you are confronted with people who are taking the moment too seriously, who want to oppress you, who think they are getting to you, who are looking at the moment instead of millions of years, just overlook the conflict, resolve the problem if you can, and then forget it.
OUTLOOK
"I've been able to cultivate this outlook for several years now and it certainly is an enjoyable way to live. It is also the feeling which can remove the larceny from a person's heart. "There is no room for dishonesty in life since it is so temporary and there is no point in being dishonest. Any gains from dishonesty are meaningless in the millions of years we are looking at.
"There is no reason to fear death. Whatever death involves it is inevitable.
"It is a great comfort to many people to think of the harps and grapes waiting for them on the other side. Some people are waiting for nirvana, a state of peace. Others are looking forward to a new world where they will live and move about. "Others believe that their death is a sleep from which they will never awake. Some young people think of heaven as listening to rock music forever. Some old people think of hell as listening to rock music forever.
CHEMICALS
"When people are buried all that is in the casket are some chemicals. If they are cremated their chemicals are reduced to a smaller container, and those people are no longer living. As they used to move around, to talk, to laugh and to love, they do it no longer.
"There is some melancholy in this but not sadness. Melancholy since we do miss friends when they are gone, whether they move away or die. There is no sadness since their death is just like your death and my death. It's just something that happens.
"If you can cultivate a perception of death as just something else that happens, as something to do, then it takes on a whole different meaning in your life--no meaning at all!"
BY ALEX P. VIDAL
While waiting for my Amtrak train ride to Los Angeles, California early in the morning sometime in November 2011, I read a very interesting biography about a little-known financial advisor based in the City of Irvine where the train terminal was located.
Ross Anderson was a financial professional at Signature Resources Capital Management, LLC, a $93M dollar RIA based in Irvine, CA. Ross was also registered with Signator Investors, Inc., a broker-dealer with over 1,500 registered representatives nationwide.
When Anderson, 78, died on October 6, 2011, his obituary was simple: "Ross graduated from Ellendale High School and served in the U.S. Navy from 1951-55. He was employed by the Northern Pacific Railroad; later Burlington Northern until his retirement at age 55. He was an avid fisherman and deer hunter, and loved tinkering in his garage and gardening."
This "avid fisherman" and "deer hunter" turned out to be one of the greatest authors in recent memory. In one of his books, Personal Freedom, he emphasized that "the greatest happiness and fulfillment in life can come through your personal independence and freedom."
MARCH
Each of us is marching inexorably toward death. We were born, we are living and we must die, Anderson suggested.
We may feel uncomfortable talking about our demise, or passing, but it will occur nevertheless.
Here's what he wrote about Freedom from death: "It has never ceased to amaze me how people take life so seriously. You can see situations many times each day where there is anxiety or conflict and its origin is often in placing so much importance on the moment.
"To get some perspective on how important our moments are you can walk down into the Grand Canyon, and you can see the strata which have formed over millions of years. I've done that a few times and also viewed exposed strata in many other places just as I'm sure you have.
"It is impossible to see this and not realize that time, an invention of humans, has no relation to the enormous passage of existence represented in the layers and layers of life we can see in a geologic strata. And those millions of years have no meaning at all in relation to the universe where there is no passage of time at all. Even billions of our years are nothing to the universe.
ENGROSSED
"If that's the case how can we possibly become engrossed in any passing situation in life to the degree it harms us? How can we alter our happiness because of a disappointment when we can see that, in the all-and-all of things the disappointment means nothing at all.
"Think of all the arguments, the wars, the battles, the business deals, the trauma, the conflict and the unhappiness which has transpired over the countless years we see represented in our old world, and no one cares.
"It is obvious that we have learned nothing from the wars. The arguments between individuals or nations mean nothing to us now. The individual problems of all people have no significance, but it is certain that they all took these events seriously at the time.
"And, we;re taking them seriously now. We are not here for long, and the simple fact is that life is too short for unhappiness. It is too short for constant worry about finances. Conflicts between friends, mates, neighbors or anyone else are simply such an ignorant waste of time that they can't be considered.
"Life is long enough for living, for loving, for helping, for building, for travel and for happiness but it isn't long enough to be taken so seriously, moment-by-moment, leading us to unhappiness.
SERIOUSLY
"A philosopher once said, 'If you're thinking of killing yourself, you're taking life seriously. Life is just long enough for one good laugh.' That's the truth, too.
"If life is so temporary how can we possibly be bogged down in problems and troubles which mean nothing to anyone else and will mean nothing to us when we are gone? What's the point of it? But we can see that nearly everyone takes every situation, every day, as if that moment was going to last forever. We can see people build enormous wealth as if they are building a business or estate which will last long as the planets.
"I believe in building a business and I believe in making money. I don't however take it so seriously, that I ever think it is the most important thing in life nor do I dream of it having any lasting effect on the world. Something as great as the United States, as a country, will be gone and fade away and, a thousand or a million years from now, won't even be remembered. If that's the case then there is no doubt about how significant our problems are.
"When you are confronted with people who are taking the moment too seriously, who want to oppress you, who think they are getting to you, who are looking at the moment instead of millions of years, just overlook the conflict, resolve the problem if you can, and then forget it.
OUTLOOK
"I've been able to cultivate this outlook for several years now and it certainly is an enjoyable way to live. It is also the feeling which can remove the larceny from a person's heart. "There is no room for dishonesty in life since it is so temporary and there is no point in being dishonest. Any gains from dishonesty are meaningless in the millions of years we are looking at.
"There is no reason to fear death. Whatever death involves it is inevitable.
"It is a great comfort to many people to think of the harps and grapes waiting for them on the other side. Some people are waiting for nirvana, a state of peace. Others are looking forward to a new world where they will live and move about. "Others believe that their death is a sleep from which they will never awake. Some young people think of heaven as listening to rock music forever. Some old people think of hell as listening to rock music forever.
CHEMICALS
"When people are buried all that is in the casket are some chemicals. If they are cremated their chemicals are reduced to a smaller container, and those people are no longer living. As they used to move around, to talk, to laugh and to love, they do it no longer.
"There is some melancholy in this but not sadness. Melancholy since we do miss friends when they are gone, whether they move away or die. There is no sadness since their death is just like your death and my death. It's just something that happens.
"If you can cultivate a perception of death as just something else that happens, as something to do, then it takes on a whole different meaning in your life--no meaning at all!"
DIVORCE IN PHILIPPINES AND SCIENCE OF LIVING TOGETHER
"Divorce is the one human tragedy that reduces everything to cash." RITA MAE BROWN
By ALEX P. VIDAL
The next congress will introduce the divorce bill in the Philippines after the elections in May this year. At least this was the assurance made by House Speaker Feliciano Belmonte most recently.
The proposed measure is expected to again raise the blood pressure of Roman Catholic bishops still clearing the cobwebs in a landmark Reproductive Health (RH) bill setback.
The bill would be about relationship between husband and wife, about companionship in a marital household, about living together permanently under one roof and whether to maintain the roof or abandon it. Scientific studies have rather consistently demonstrated that companionship contributes to good health.
The quality of relationships also is a factor, according to Xinhua Steve Ren, Ph.D., assistant professor at the Boston University School of Public Health and research health scientist with the Center for Health Quality, Outcome, and Economic Research of the Veterans Affairs Medical Center in Bedford, Massachusetts.
FINDINGS
Here are some of Ren's other findings secured by editors of Men's Health:
-- Separation and divorce can actually improve health--but only in cases where there were serious ongoing marital problems. Separation and divorce are most detrimental to health when the marriage had no prior serious problems and the crisis arose with the sudden discovery of infidelity.
-- Being separated is more injurious to health than divorce. The separated were more than two times as likely to consider themselves in poor health than were married folks, while divorced people were about 1.3 times more likely to think themselves in ill health.
-- The quality of a relationship--whether marriage or cohabitation--affects the participants' health. Those in unhappy relationships are at higher health risk than those who are in happy relationships and, surprisingly, even than those who are divorced.
-- Compared to married people, the unmarried tend to have higher death rates from all causes, have higher levels of stress, and use more health services.
By ALEX P. VIDAL
The next congress will introduce the divorce bill in the Philippines after the elections in May this year. At least this was the assurance made by House Speaker Feliciano Belmonte most recently.
The proposed measure is expected to again raise the blood pressure of Roman Catholic bishops still clearing the cobwebs in a landmark Reproductive Health (RH) bill setback.
The bill would be about relationship between husband and wife, about companionship in a marital household, about living together permanently under one roof and whether to maintain the roof or abandon it. Scientific studies have rather consistently demonstrated that companionship contributes to good health.
The quality of relationships also is a factor, according to Xinhua Steve Ren, Ph.D., assistant professor at the Boston University School of Public Health and research health scientist with the Center for Health Quality, Outcome, and Economic Research of the Veterans Affairs Medical Center in Bedford, Massachusetts.
FINDINGS
Here are some of Ren's other findings secured by editors of Men's Health:
-- Separation and divorce can actually improve health--but only in cases where there were serious ongoing marital problems. Separation and divorce are most detrimental to health when the marriage had no prior serious problems and the crisis arose with the sudden discovery of infidelity.
-- Being separated is more injurious to health than divorce. The separated were more than two times as likely to consider themselves in poor health than were married folks, while divorced people were about 1.3 times more likely to think themselves in ill health.
-- The quality of a relationship--whether marriage or cohabitation--affects the participants' health. Those in unhappy relationships are at higher health risk than those who are in happy relationships and, surprisingly, even than those who are divorced.
-- Compared to married people, the unmarried tend to have higher death rates from all causes, have higher levels of stress, and use more health services.
MARTYR: WRACKED WITH SELF PITY
"He that despairs degrades God." OWEN FELTHAM
BY ALEX P. VIDAL
If we are in a high-maintenance relationship, this subject matter may interest us. Dealing with martyrs was recently cited in the survey as the second most difficult relationship.
"We all have days when we feel a bit like a martyr, days when self-pity descends on us," wrote psychology professor, Dr. Les Parrot III of the Center for Relationship Development at Seattle Pacific University. "For most people, self-pity is fleeting, a reminder that life isn't always fair."
Parrot explained in his book, High-Maintenance Relationship, that for most people self-pity can be like an infection. If it's not caught early and treated aggressively, he said, "it can become chronic, leading to people to feel continually like victims."
Such is the case for martyrs, Parrot revealed. They can be knocked over by the tiniest difficulties--a burned dinner, a lonely weekend, a traffic jam--and show little interest in getting up. Like flowers flattened by a strong wind, martyrs stay down.
UNFAIRNESS
"Hopelessly and helplessly they give in to real and imagined unfairness and refuse the helping hand of a friend: 'Oh, don't worry about me. I'm fine,' or 'You don't have time for my troubles. You just go ahead.' Martyrs feel spurned by the world. They often refuse help and are burned at their own stake," added the fellow in medical psychology at the University of Washington School of Medicine.
According to Parrot, "it doesn't take much to become a Joan of Arc. Mothers can overburden themselves with household chores, then say, 'No one really cares about me. As far as my family is concerned, I'm just a slave.'" Fathers can use the same approach: "I work my fingers to the bone, and no one cares. Everyone uses me."
The ordained minister of the Church of the Nazarene cited the case of Vicky as a typical martyr. With her soft-spoken manner you barely notice she is in the room. She suffers from excruciating back pain, and at times she barely sit up for more than five minutes at a stretch. But she refuses a friend's offer to clean her apartment and cook dinner. "I've got to manage alone," Vicky says, "because I can't expect someone else to be here every minute of every day."
PERSECUTED
Vicky refuses help but feels all the more persecuted when her friends don't stop by. Like every other martyr, explained Parrot, Vicky wallows in self-pity. It has become so insidious to her soul that she is all but entrapped. Her friends fear she will never emerge to live a fun, contented life. And her woeful existence is becoming increasingly exhausting for even her family members and most dedicated companions.
"If you have martyrs in your life, you have seen firsthand how their wallowing can go on and on. Solutions to their problems, no matter how powerful, can't seem to penetrate their complaining," Parrot stressed. "Martyrs are locked tight in a victim chambers. But that doesn't mean you need to suffer too. You can use several effective strategies for living and working with confirmed martyrs, even when they refuse to be rescued."
Unfortunately, martyrs are all too prevalent in our society, warned Parrot. "Turn on any morning or afternoon talk show, and you will see people who are stuck in a bad marriage or who are too fat or too miserable to deal with life. You will also hear them blame their parents, their schooling, their income, their siblings, their friends, their church, their government, and, of course, themselves. What dynamics do martyrs have in common? They are defeated, passive, self-blaming, helpless, irrational, broody, and worrisome."
DEFEATED. "Everyone whines a little in response to life's small irritations: you have na acne outbreak at the worst time; you lose your keys; you get stood up for an appointment," continued Parrot. "Who wouldn't feel a little defeated? But most of us are able to stop feeling negative, recover our equilibrium, and get on with living. Not so for martyrs. They give up quickly and suffer long-lasting defeat."
PASSIVE. If one were to coin a battle cry for martyrs, the author said, it would be "I can't!" I can't lose weight. I can't get a promotion. I can't change. I can't meet new friends. Martyrs make little effort to rally against downbeat thoughts, Parrot observed. "And rarely do they ask for or accept help, even--or especially--when that help is freely and lovingly offered. Martyrs may desperately need help, but they will rebuff a gesture of caring."
SELF-BLAMING. In his book, When Bad Things Happen to Good People, Rabbi Harold Kushner tells of paying condolence calls on the families of two women who died of natural causes. At the first home, the son of the deceased woman told the rabbi: "If only I had sent my mother to Florida and gotten her out of this cold, she would be alive today. It's my fault she died." At the second home, the son told the rabbi: "If only i hadn't insisted on my mother's going to Florida, she would be alive today. it's my fault that she's dead." Martyrs, like these sons, are often addicted to self-blame, according to Parrot.
BY ALEX P. VIDAL
If we are in a high-maintenance relationship, this subject matter may interest us. Dealing with martyrs was recently cited in the survey as the second most difficult relationship.
"We all have days when we feel a bit like a martyr, days when self-pity descends on us," wrote psychology professor, Dr. Les Parrot III of the Center for Relationship Development at Seattle Pacific University. "For most people, self-pity is fleeting, a reminder that life isn't always fair."
Parrot explained in his book, High-Maintenance Relationship, that for most people self-pity can be like an infection. If it's not caught early and treated aggressively, he said, "it can become chronic, leading to people to feel continually like victims."
Such is the case for martyrs, Parrot revealed. They can be knocked over by the tiniest difficulties--a burned dinner, a lonely weekend, a traffic jam--and show little interest in getting up. Like flowers flattened by a strong wind, martyrs stay down.
UNFAIRNESS
"Hopelessly and helplessly they give in to real and imagined unfairness and refuse the helping hand of a friend: 'Oh, don't worry about me. I'm fine,' or 'You don't have time for my troubles. You just go ahead.' Martyrs feel spurned by the world. They often refuse help and are burned at their own stake," added the fellow in medical psychology at the University of Washington School of Medicine.
According to Parrot, "it doesn't take much to become a Joan of Arc. Mothers can overburden themselves with household chores, then say, 'No one really cares about me. As far as my family is concerned, I'm just a slave.'" Fathers can use the same approach: "I work my fingers to the bone, and no one cares. Everyone uses me."
The ordained minister of the Church of the Nazarene cited the case of Vicky as a typical martyr. With her soft-spoken manner you barely notice she is in the room. She suffers from excruciating back pain, and at times she barely sit up for more than five minutes at a stretch. But she refuses a friend's offer to clean her apartment and cook dinner. "I've got to manage alone," Vicky says, "because I can't expect someone else to be here every minute of every day."
PERSECUTED
Vicky refuses help but feels all the more persecuted when her friends don't stop by. Like every other martyr, explained Parrot, Vicky wallows in self-pity. It has become so insidious to her soul that she is all but entrapped. Her friends fear she will never emerge to live a fun, contented life. And her woeful existence is becoming increasingly exhausting for even her family members and most dedicated companions.
"If you have martyrs in your life, you have seen firsthand how their wallowing can go on and on. Solutions to their problems, no matter how powerful, can't seem to penetrate their complaining," Parrot stressed. "Martyrs are locked tight in a victim chambers. But that doesn't mean you need to suffer too. You can use several effective strategies for living and working with confirmed martyrs, even when they refuse to be rescued."
Unfortunately, martyrs are all too prevalent in our society, warned Parrot. "Turn on any morning or afternoon talk show, and you will see people who are stuck in a bad marriage or who are too fat or too miserable to deal with life. You will also hear them blame their parents, their schooling, their income, their siblings, their friends, their church, their government, and, of course, themselves. What dynamics do martyrs have in common? They are defeated, passive, self-blaming, helpless, irrational, broody, and worrisome."
DEFEATED. "Everyone whines a little in response to life's small irritations: you have na acne outbreak at the worst time; you lose your keys; you get stood up for an appointment," continued Parrot. "Who wouldn't feel a little defeated? But most of us are able to stop feeling negative, recover our equilibrium, and get on with living. Not so for martyrs. They give up quickly and suffer long-lasting defeat."
PASSIVE. If one were to coin a battle cry for martyrs, the author said, it would be "I can't!" I can't lose weight. I can't get a promotion. I can't change. I can't meet new friends. Martyrs make little effort to rally against downbeat thoughts, Parrot observed. "And rarely do they ask for or accept help, even--or especially--when that help is freely and lovingly offered. Martyrs may desperately need help, but they will rebuff a gesture of caring."
SELF-BLAMING. In his book, When Bad Things Happen to Good People, Rabbi Harold Kushner tells of paying condolence calls on the families of two women who died of natural causes. At the first home, the son of the deceased woman told the rabbi: "If only I had sent my mother to Florida and gotten her out of this cold, she would be alive today. It's my fault she died." At the second home, the son told the rabbi: "If only i hadn't insisted on my mother's going to Florida, she would be alive today. it's my fault that she's dead." Martyrs, like these sons, are often addicted to self-blame, according to Parrot.
Alex P. Vidal Quote 23
The biggest guru-mantra is: never share your secrets with anybody. It will destroy you.
-- CHANAKAYA :
Secrets can be either toxic or essential. Toxic secret can wreck us psychologically while essential secret will promote normal growth and development.
-- ALEX P. VIDAL
-- CHANAKAYA :
Secrets can be either toxic or essential. Toxic secret can wreck us psychologically while essential secret will promote normal growth and development.
-- ALEX P. VIDAL
Alex P. Vidal Quote 22
Do not tell secrets to those whose faith and silence you have not already tested.
-- ELIZABETH I :
Secrets aren't safe even with some close relatives and best friends. The only safe secrets are the ones we carry in our grave!
-- ALEX P. VIDAL
-- ELIZABETH I :
Secrets aren't safe even with some close relatives and best friends. The only safe secrets are the ones we carry in our grave!
-- ALEX P. VIDAL
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