“But I have my life, I’m living it. It’s twisted, exhausting, uncertain, and full of guilt, but nonetheless, there’s something there.”
―Banana Yoshimoto, The Lake
By Alex P. Vidal
WITHOUT a second thought, let me be among those who will dismiss any conspiracy theory surrounding the mysterious death on December 18, 2025 of 63-year-old Maria Catalina Cabral, the resigned Department of Public Works and Highways (DPWH) undersecretary.
From all indications, she appeared to have committed suicide.
Was there a foul play? No one saw what happened, thus I prefer to believe based on my long years as a community journalist where I also covered many cases involving murder and suicide, that Cabral, who was embroiled in the titanic flood control project scandal, ended her own life.
Those who heavily tilt their belief on the bizarre angle of murder (or her death was a case of homicide and made to appear as suicide) without a shred of evidence may continue to sustain that theory until confronted and proven wrong by solid facts.
In any crime, it is favorable to pursue multiple angles to ensure the quick and proper resolution of the case.
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On the other hand, there’s strong reason to believe Cabral decided to kill herself, or she was capable of ending her own life.
First, she faced doomsday as one of the alleged chief architects of the biggest ever graft and corruption scandal in the Philippines, and there’s no escape other than a collision course against a brick wall of damning pieces of evidence—both testimonial and circumstantial.
Second, she must’ve ran out of options and detested the thought of going to jail once formal charges have been filed against her and her cohorts with no bail recommended like what happened to Sarah Discaya, et al.
The thought of suddenly falling to the doghouse from the bed of roses in one fell swoop must be excruciating.
Third, if she’s guilt-stricken, Cabral’s conscience must’ve bothered her so much that her rationality was greatly compromised—after nights of struggling and thinking flexibly to see an end to emotional and mental pain and a life worth living.
Anybody—or if I were in her position, I would have done the same thing—only if I knew I was guilty as hell.
In Keeper of the Lost Cities, Shannon Messenger remarked, “I would rather be punished for making the right decision than live with the guilt of making the wrong one for the rest of my life.”
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Let’s not underestimate the power of guilt to destroy. Let’s not ignore the pain of dealing with a heavily burdened conscience.
Our conscience plays an indispensable role in giving an awareness of our moral duties and facilitating moral reflection.
It is our inner moral compass, guiding us to discern right from wrong, motivating us to act ethically, and fostering self-awareness, integrity, and inner peace, preventing guilt and promoting authentic living by aligning actions with our deepest values, even when it's difficult.
That’s why there is always a need to reduce, not increase, the burden on those who struggle with thoughts of suicide. Breaking down stigma is a key to opening conversations, getting help and emerging from those struggles.
It may help if we commit to viewing people in emotional crisis similarly to those with a physical injury–with care, compassion and a plan for recovery.
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BODY SHAPE COUNTS. In a study of over 400 undergraduates, researchers at Florida Atlantic University found strong correlations among the students' levels of sexual satisfaction, self-consciousness-about their bodies, and satisfaction with their bodies. Muscular guys were the most sexually satisfied; body weight was key for women.
BUT SHE'S NOT IMPRESSED. Tough guys don't wow women. A study in the Journal of Experimental Social Psychology shows that women find a man more appealing if he walks away from a jerk instead of responding aggressively.
NEW HPV THREAT. Human papillomavirus, or HPV, has long been linked to cervical cancer in women. New research in the journal Head & Neck reveals that in the United States, HPV may also be the most common cause of cancer of the tonsil and base of the tongue. The cancer is starting to appear more in younger men and in nonsmokers; the shift may be associated with high-risk behaviors.
TWILIGHT INSIGHT AND OUR YOUNGSTERS. Why are teens fascinated by these fanged creatures? "Vampires are alluring. They're neither completely human nor dead; they don't belong in either world. Teenagers identify with them because they often feel like outsiders, too, as they transition from childhood into adulthood," says Dr. Kathy Ramsland, author of The Science of Vampires.
(The author, who is now based New York City, used to be the editor-in-chief of two leading daily newspapers in Iloilo.—Ed)
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