Jealousy

I didn't mean to hurt you, 
I'm sorry that I made you cry, 
I didn't want to hurt you, 
I'm just a jealous guy, 
JOHN LENNON

By Alex P. Vidal


JEALOUSY has been blamed as the No. 1 culprit in the break-up of many relationships--romantic, friendship, business; the collapse of marriages and partnerships, the deaths of those involved in love triangle--and even love rectangle (nowadays because of the power of social networks, this is possible--and is happening)!
Jealousy may be a cultural universal--found everywhere, according to Sex, Dating, and Love: 77 Questions Most Often Asked author, Dr. Ray E. Short.
Jealousy pops up in all kinds of patterns and places. A new dad resents mom's time with a baby. 
Sister slugs the second child. 
Siblings become rivals. 
Spouses and sweethearts grow jealous if their beloveds show the slightest sign of fondness toward a rival--real or imagined.
Anthropologists find jealousy near and far, Short writes in Love, Sex, or Infatuation. 
"No society seems to be without it, even those in which more than one spouse is the accepted rule, and those where adultery is fully permitted."


MONSTER


Even those with "open" marriages or live-in arrangements do not escape the green-eyed monster. 
"True, there may very well be people who are secure enough within themselves not to be threatened by their spouse's openly having a sex relationship with another person," observes James McCary. 
"But, as Gracie Allen used to say, 'There are a lot of people like that, but not many.'"
Very few relationships survive if one party finds out the other has "cheated" on them. 
That almost always leads to intense jealousy, distrust, and rupture, explains Short.
Even Nena O'Neil, formerly an ardent advocate of sexually open marriages in her book, has changed her mind. She's found that open marriage has not worked for couples who have tried it, due to jealousy. She now advocates "one sexual partner for the rest of your life."
"So you too may well feel jealous, whether you're in love or infatuated, if the 'object if your affection' shows even the slightest romantic interest in someone else," explains Short. "Jealousy will be especially strong if the couple is having sex with each other."


INSECURE


Some authorities say jealousy is a sign that we are insecure and unsure of ourselves; we have a "low self-image." 
Others believe the roots of jealousy go back to childhood dependency when we tried to lay exclusive claim to our mother's love and care.
Some think that groups of two persons lend themselves to a jealous desire to hold on to each other. 
"The sensitive union of two is always irritated by the spectator," even if the persons are mature and secure.
Whatever its cause, Shorts believes "the green-eyed monster provides us with the last clue to unlock the puzzle of love and infatuation. This clue is saved for last, not because jealousy is so important in itself. It is not. But its function can best be understood in the light of the two clues that precede it--ego response and overall attitude."