Signs of love and infatuation

"When one has love for God, one doesn't feel any physical attraction to wife, children, relatives and friends. One retains only compassion for them"--RAMAKRISHNA


By Alex P. Vidal 

WHEN we are "attracted" to one person, what really is our main interest in that person? 
What appeals to us most? What "turns us on"? 
Our answer to these questions can help us decide if it's love.
In the revised edition of Sex, Love, or Infatuation, author Dr. Ray E. Short explains that if we are infatuated, our "main interest is likely to be the other person's physical equipment."
For males, Short says, that probably translates into whether the woman has a pretty face and nice curves in all the right places. 
Attractive eyes and an athletic body may really get a female's attention.
Short observes that when girls sigh, "Oooh! What a hunk!" or boys exclaim, "Get a load of that!" they don't mean the other person has a bright brain.
"All that suggests infatuation," he explains. "The main stress is on things you can perceive right away--what you can see, hear, smell, taste, or touch about the person."


TOTAL PERSONALITY


On the other hand, if we truly love someone, our interest is in her or his total personality. 
We are attracted to the whole person.
"The physical features are only some of the many things you like," stresses Short. "It's not just the body you care about, it's what's housed in the body. It's not just what shows on the surface, but also what's beneath the surface. The face, after all, is just a mask. It's what's behind the mask that counts most."
Real love, the author says, arms us with X-ray vision--we can see far more about the one we love than what first meets the eye. 
"And that's all to the good," Short explains.
People today have a great way of making this point. They say, "You're a beautiful person." Now, they don't mean by that that we would win a beauty contest. 
We may have a face that would stop a clock! What they mean is that we're a beautiful kind of person--nice to be around. 
Whether or not we look beautiful, we are beautiful.


DISTINCTION


We will want to keep this distinction clearly in mind in the search for love. 
"Some men make a tragic mistake--they pass up a beautiful woman to marry a pretty girl. But looks can be deceiving," warns Short. "A beautiful face and a handsome body are like the wrapping around gift. The outside glitter tells you nothing at all about what's inside. 
Any old thing can be done up in a nice wrapping, yet the contents may be something you won't like it all. In fact, a gift box may be completely empty--and so may a pretty face or a handsome head!"
Short narrates that "out of the dozens of high school assemblies I went to as a boy, I recall only one. 'Boys,' the speaker said solemnly, 'before you marry a girl for her pretty face and sexy form, ask yourself: What's she going to look like in 30 years?' That stopped me. And it should stop you, too."
Indeed, what will she/he look like in 30 years? She will no doubt have her share of wrinkles and unsightly sags and bags. He may sport a shiny bald head where the lush crop of curls now hangs.
And his Greek chest? It may well have slipped down about a foot. 
Probably neither of us will look like too much by then. In spite of that, we will be expected to remain married. 
And if we are to do that, we will need more going for us than a few faded memories of how pretty or how handsome each of us used to look.