“God never gives
someone a gift they are not capable of receiving. If he gives us the gift of
Christmas, it is because we all have the ability to understand and receive it.” Pope Francis
By
Alex P. Vidal
WHY do we give gifts especially during Christmas?
Is the giving of gifts mandatory in Yuletide season?
We give gifts to promote the reputation that we are
nice, generous people.
And we do it to put pressure on the recipient to
reciprocate, says Roger Highfield, author of The Physics of Christmas.
When, for example, we take a basket of fruit to a
friend in the hospital, it is because we would like him to do the same for us.
“Gifts have the power to make or break a
relationship, for they are indices of how we interpret the status, power,
taste, and emotion of our peers,” Highfield observes.
According to Adrian Furnham, a psychologist at
University College, London, they reveal how socially aware we are in perceiving
others.
It’s not just the issue of whom we choose to give
presents to or how much or how little we spend on those presents, but what sort
of gifts we select.
And when our motives for giving a particular gift
are incorrectly interpreted, our faux pas is on display for all to see.
For example, the gift of a fluorescent fluffy toy
might be thought an insult by someone who perceives himself or herself so
sophisticated.
“As a channel of communication (a gift) has limited
capacity because the range of messages is few and the language not well known,”
Furnham says.
GIFT-PHOBICS
“Perhaps the gift-phobics who discover the exchange
of gifts between family and friends do so because they don’t speak the language
and agree with Wittgenstein, who so wisely noted: ‘Whereof one cannot speak,
thereof one must be silent.’”
Whitfield says psychologists have now started to
decode the language of gifts in an effort to unwrap this seasonal ritual.
They have studied different gift occasions and
assessed the various stages in the gift-giving process, the function of gifts,
and the norms that govern who may give what to whom and why certain gifts—for
instance, money—are often considered inappropriate.
Men and women behave very differently when it comes
to Christmas gift giving, adds Highfield.
At the University of Winnipeg in Manitoba, David
Cheal had great difficulty interviewing as many men and women for one study of
Christmas gift giving.
The reason soon become clear: women remain the
principal actors in gift transactions.
The annual hunt for that ideal present is
overwhelmingly seen as women’s work. Indeed, among couples it is usually the
women who maintain the gift economy.
Men tend to give more valuable gifts, less often.
Part of the reason is that men generally earn more than women.
But women have been said to dominate Christmas
giving perhaps because it is seen as a family festival and women are the “kin
keepers,” taking more responsibility for maintaining family and social ties.
REASON
One of Cheal’s respondents explained that her reason
for giving is “to be a message. You have interest in that person, whatever the
message is at the moment.”
Highfiled explains that other studies have shown
that we are little different from the Hazda in that gift giving often puts the
recipient under an obligation, exploiting a reciprocal instinct that places the
act closer to pure barter.
Much of Christmas giving actually reveals a more
calculated character, following certain rules and obeying certain taboos.
Carole Burgoyne and Stephen Lea of the University of
Exter, England say: “To violate these rules, to give too little, or indeed to
give too much, can be insulting.”
One traditional taboo is the gift of money,
according to Highfield.
If we hand out checks and cash, he explains, “the materialist
underbelly of Christmas is laid bare for all to see. As a result, money is not
a universally acceptable medium of exchange.”
Gifts of money also imply a lack of effort and
insight on the part of the giver, according to a study of 92 students conducted
by Burgoyne and David Routh of Bristol University in England.
Another study by Lea showed that this was
particularly so when money was given by a child to a parent, but not when it was
a gift from a grandparent or parent to a child.
Highfield says today’s psychologists see gifts as a
way of initiating and maintaining relationships—just as we observed in the case
of Henry III.
According to Bourgoyne, Christmas tends to differ
from other giving rituals, such as birthdays, because it is more likely to
involve a simultaneous exchange.
In relationships where reciprocity is expected,
there can be serious consequences of the failure to give a gift.
These are more likely to occur in closer
relationships, such as between siblings, parents and children, or girlfriend
and boyfriend.
“The nonappearance of a gift is likely to lead to broken
relationships and family row unless there is a very good explanation for it,”
Burgoyne says.
RELAXATION
Nevertheless Christmas is an occasion for the
relaxation of other rules of gift giving, notes Highfield.
Because seasonal presents are handed out more widely
they are often less intimate and personal than birthday presents. This, of
course, can be an advantage for those who are trying to start up a relationship,
he adds.
But gently does it, warns Burgoyne: “Gifts that are
too expensive may signal a level of commitment and impose a sense of obligation
that is not wanted by the recipient. Thus an inappropriate gift—one that is
either too cheap or expensive—or one that seems to expose a lack of taste on
the part of the donor—carries the risk of rejection.”
Gifts are also excellent way of atoning for sins,
but they may be rejected if judged as not sufficiently compensatory, Highfield
remarks.
“If they are too compensatory, however, they also
can cause an offense. Precise reciprocity could be seen as an unfriendly act if
one breaks the rule of approximate worth—that is, giving a return gift of
approximately the same monetary value,” he warns.
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